Story of Faith

Working on my Anger

Now that I have taken control of my eating, my gut health is on the mend. I now need to get this anger under control. I am sure you can guess why I have anger problems. I have had such a rage in me because of the shooting and all that happened after it. I no longer want to feel this rage. 

I have been working on my physical self for so long that my mental self was left behind. WE KNOW that they go hand in hand. I wrote about it in a blog. 

First, I want to let you know that I have a therapist. When I was working to heal my gut I was under the watch and care of my primary care Physician. I might have healed my gut holistically, but he was there to monitor me. That will be the same thing for the healing of my emotional self. 

END THE RAGE PART 1: S.T.O.P. Method

S: Stands for STOP. Quite simple huh? Well, the first step is just that simple. Stop yourself and your thinking. Take a moment to breathe and then move to step 2.

T: Stands for Think. Filter out the other noise and really think through what is happening. Ask yourself, what am I feeling? What am I hearing? What am I experiencing right now?

O: Stands for Objectify. Once you have thought through all of the input now you can organize and objectify that information. This still is not making a plan to take action. We are just taking the information that you have now observed and decipher why it is happening in this way. Are you hungry and that is why this is happening? Did not sleep as much last night? This is your opportunity to reason through your current state.

P: Stands for Plan. Now that you have slowed down, thought about this situation, and objectified the reasons that this is happening, you are now ready to respond with a plan that will best serve you rather than a reaction that might have made the situation worse.

Not so easy for me. But this is what I am working on. 

Emotional health requires anger to be processed and digested, or it’ll keep recycling and resurfacing. The hard part is that I can teach clients how to do this and I have helped so many. I now need to practice what I preach.

I know that I have to learn from my anger and not just react to triggers with rage or passive-aggression. Maybe I don’t need anger management as much as I might need impulse control techniques. My therapist wants me to try the S.T.O.P method so that is where I will start. 

I also will be exploring and learning from my anger to discover what triggers it. I have many. I will also add in the use of mindfulness. This will get me to actively and openly pay attention to my emotions, thoughts, and physical sensations without judgment towards myself. This will lead me to discover what causes my anger.

I need to learn how to catch the impulse that precedes my anger. I am often not be aware of it at the time, but there is always an impulse that comes before any angry outburst or passive-aggressiveness. Anger impulses are the bodily sensations and thoughts that come after the anger trigger. It may feel like anger and the anger impulse is one and the same, but they’re not. Brining us back to the S.T.O.P method. 

Stop

Think about what is making me so stinkin mad. (This is the hard part for me) 

Take

Very intentionally take a few deep breaths. 

Observe

Body: I might notice a tightening in my stomach or that my breath gets shallower.

Emotions: What in this is makign me feel upset? Am I feeling interupted? Do I feel unappreciated? Do I feel nervous or unsure?

Mind: What are you thinking? 

Proceed

As I think about my answer, I will need to consider what I’ve just observed about myself, and what I want to do with what I just learned. 

I might say to myself: “I’m going to remember when I want to respond quickly to my child that I am not mad with him that I am feeling bothered. He is not the bother and he deserves my compassion.”

The thing is my anger is normally with the ones I love and they are not the root of the problem. I can see my issues once the moment is over. The real key for me is the impuls to react. I NEED TO STOP! 

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