I’ve dated men who have made me feel like crap. I’ve dated men that have made me question whether relationships are actually worth it. But now, I’m dating a man that makes me happier than I’ve ever been. I realized that Unicorn boyfriends might just exist after all… and they’re more common than we think. We just have to realize what we are looking for and what is unhealthy and to stay away from that.
I DON’T KNOW HOW I GOT SO LUCKY. It’s actually funny because I wasn’t looking for a “relationship” let alone someone to fall in love with. I had just moved and thought it would be nice to have someone to hang out with once in a while and just not be in a committed relationship. I can recall the night we were talking and we had decided not to see other people and just to be exclusive. Let me tell you that was the first sign that I was dating a man that is different for all the ones that I have dated in the past. It did not stop there! I am so lucky that he actually listens and sets aside time for me.
You all know I like balance. So even though we enjoy spending time with each other he is not a clingy man. He has the great independent side to him. He is a wonderful father and owns his own business and gets his stuff done. We have the balance of I DON’T NEED YOU and You don’t need me, either. We’d be perfectly fine on our own because we’re both intelligent and independent. But I WANT YOU and you want me, which is what sets us apart from other couples. I think that in the past I have gone for men that make me feel like they needed me and that I was their everything. The past was full of abusive men and cheaters. So all In all what I was accustomed to was not a good thing and could be a warning sign.
He knows how to make me feel special in so many ways. He notices the small things like today while we were driving he noticed that my rings that I always have on were not on. It started us talking about my random move here and how special the two rings were. He notices the small things that actually mean so much to me and he listens to me tell him about my life. But he also tells me about his life and I try to be as attentive as he is. It’s like he has raised the bar!
I would say that he goes above and beyond but in a healthy way. Not like my past where it usually meant that they were trying to cover up something that they had done or were about to do. It was like a magic trick – sleight of hand tactics. I feel like as this UNICORN …he gets that he does not have to buy me elaborate gifts for my attention or do things to impress me. He understands that I am not for sale and that this is not something that needs flashy gifts. BUT he does give, he gives from the heart. He doesn’t give to get back. What he has done no one has ever done for me before. Honestly, he really does know what kind of gifts to give and his timing is spot on. I am so blessed with him because I do not feel like I owe him something in return. It’s not like “oh great he gave me flowers now I have to have sex with him.” It’s truly not like that all.
In the past I felt like as a healer I would pick wounded birds who eventually would become toxic to me and they left me to heal and repair myself. My new man helps me become a better person each day. He is such a sweet and smart and talented man, and it makes me want to do more with my life. I had actually given up on wanting to grow. I had become stagnant in the Mojave desert and I was ok with that. Then I moved to the east coast and with a blink of the eye, I was actively aiming to improve myself because I want to feel positive about me again so that I can pitch in equally and be there for love this man offers.
He over the last few months has become my best friend. I feel like he is the first man that I can go to with anything and not be judged or looked at like I am some strange “new age” weirdo. As a holistic healer and marketing nut, I seem to find people who are not “into” the natural universe that I live in and how I am also very main stream. It’s very confusing to many at what a balanced person I am in both worlds. He also does not need to check my phone, check with whom I have been with all day. He is not a jealous man but does care in a safe healthy way. I enjoy sharing every detail of my day because we are a team and he is becoming my other half. Not because he is controlling me.
I am so happy that I don’t have to choose between my best friends and my boyfriend. He is supportive in us each having lives yet inner mixing them and wrapping our inner mixed lives together.
He allows me to not be an emotionally deprived woman. I am an Italian woman and I have quite a few emotions about life now that I am in my 40’s and I am a domestic violence survivor. He allows me to feel safe to laugh, cry, feel down, to be tired, to be hyper, to be chatty, to be girly and then to be open in the bedroom with him. He really does give me everything I need and more.
This man allows me to be silly with future planning and joins in with the silly ideas and knows when gears have shifted to reality. He has a great view on what the future holds. The joy is.. with him, I do not worry about what the future would be. I also know that it’s not talking … this man is one who is action! He is not a letdown and will not have me feel like future planning is just a joke with words or a wild Pinterest board. Things do come true with him.
He is who he is. I am so happy to see that he is not one who changes once he knows he “has you”. He has my heart and I know that I am not obligated to stay with him. I am not scared to leave him. (I want to be with him) I know that I won’t be stalked if I walk away. Honestly, I know that I am with him because he shows me love and kindness. I hope that he can see that I try to give the same.
I’VE NEVER FELT THIS WAY BEFORE. I have never wanted to plan trips, have a bucket list with someone, talk about the future in the reality of future, not in the joking context of “future”. I also have never been the type of girl to imagine what her future house would look like and what waking up with a particular man would be like every day. I also have not been the girl to miss a man. I have normally enjoyed the distance. Let alone plan out what growing old could be like! But now, I can’t stop those things from crossing my mind. I’m eager to see what the future will bring, and it’s all because of him. It’s a wild way to feel at 40. I have had 2 divorces and never had the wedding or the joy of being married. As soon as “I do” was said they always seemed to change. I have this way of picking Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde kind of men. But not this time.
I never thought that I would want to get married again. I have been engaged.. but as soon as anyone asks what the date is I RUN. I get worried that the man would then have a “power” or way to “control” me. However, with my own personal growth and the new awareness that you get what you give and if you don’t see the signs of danger you get into a dangerous situation.
I truly feel that this man who has proven shivery is not dead, is also the man who will work to keep our love alive and continue to work at inner mingling our families. I hope he knows I will invest the same.
He has met my parents and I have met his. He knows my children and I know his. WE COULD REALLY DO THIS. He does not have a perfect past and at this point in life who does. NOT ME. But we do not live in the past and as long as we learn from the past and keep moving forward.. then we all win.
We have both talked about the fact we know that no one is perfect and that humans are flawed.
Nothing says I love you like knowing that at the first sight of trouble he will not run. That he will not lift a hand to me and that he will talk with me and will make an effort to make things work. I know that I will not be in this relationship alone.
It is strange that realizing what a good man he is has made me see what I deserve and what I am worth in a relationship. This is funny because I can give this advice to my clients but I never seem to take my own advice. THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME REALIZE MY WORTH. I know I’m not supposed to need a man to see how valuable I am, but you’ve helped me learn to love the parts of myself that I never thought I’d accept. I used to criticize myself for anything and everything, but now I push those negative thoughts aside because you constantly remind me of how amazing I am.
What I hope he can see in action is that I love him. To me, Love is an action word. I try to tell him in more ways than one. Even with all the ways that I try to show him that I love him, I don’t think that I could ever accurately express how much he actually does mean to me. You’ll just have to take my word for it.
Don’t forget all the little things that he does to show me that I am on his mind. I really could go on and on about this man. Text’s, taking time with my family just to see me smile. It’s so unreal that all of this and I mean all of this is done unconditionally.
Why did I write this long blog? When I look at my single friends struggling to find a decent guy, it makes me realize how lucky I am. Some girls would kill for “decent,” but I get perfection. He is the last UNICORN ❤